#SlutShaming??? Um, No, Not Really

I love to read erotica and erotic romance and get annoyed when I come across reviews from people who don't have a clue about pet names in the naughty lit they're reading. They gasp about how such and such Dom kept calling his "doormat" woman a slut, and then they spew vitriol in frantic scribbles about both the Hero and the author in their 1-STAR review. Um, back up bitties. Put the machete down. Do some research first.

In regular society, or the vanilla world, yes, females unfairly get slapped with the scarlet labels 'slut' or 'ho' for the slightest bit of sexual experimentation, while guys get to be 'players', or at worst, 'man whores', but they can still hold their heads high. I have no clue why women and girls get shamed for the same exact level of action. It's ridiculous and weird and infuriating. So, I am in no way advocating terms of slander for anyone, male or female. It is bullying and hurtful and wrong.

But, that's the PC world we're talking about.

And then there's books. You know--the naughty ones that make you blush and fan yourself and peek over your shoulder to make sure no one can see the words setting your Kindle Fire ON FIRE. Easier to hide with eBooks, but still, not always easy to mask the signs of arousal when you find a really juicy bit of treasure that's making your panties melt off. When we're talking about books with people in erotic situations, men, women, vampires, groups, whatever, dirty, shameful terms directed at others do not mean the same thing that they do in Vanilla Land, especially in a BDSM relationship. Life in the Kink is not the same. Expectations are different, conventions are challenged, people get pushed to their limits, while loving every minute of it, and books are a reflection of that variance, as well as a doorway to a rainbow of fetishes and desires that most people would find strange or disgusting or undesirable.

In Kink, or in any random bedroom too, to be called a 'slut' or 'whore' or 'cocksucker' or 'bad girl' or 'toilet' or 'bitch' or 'sissy' or 'pet' or 'cumbucket' is a badge of honor. It is not meant to be abusive, and that's the difference. It means you are cherished, owned, controlled. It's lovely music, a treat, ear candy to the one who gets it, to eager subbies especially. In scenarios of non-con, reluctance, capture and more, such terms can be used for the reader's sake more than the recipient within the work. Even if no one in the story is aroused by it, it's still okay for the niche, and not lost on people who like to hear those terms tossed about like pepper. There's a lot of leeway in what happens and what is said in erotica because fantasy runs free.

Shared terms between real life lovers can still be sweet and loving, no matter how awful and shocking they sound to you. For some, degradation is just another delicious addition to dirty talk. Maybe you're the mom of five kids or a teacher or a pastor--yeah, pastors can take it wild and filthy in the ears too-- and you get called respectable names all day long, so special terms of endearment from your loved one in bed especially turn you on. There's nothing wrong with that. It's fine if you're the 'snuggle bunny' type, but there's a whole pool of people who are more than happy to be called 'sluts', 'little girls' and 'queens'.

So, dear reader, before you jot all about your burning eyes and how cruel the dominant in the story was when you find words like, "Suck my cock, slut," or "You filthy bitch," or "Go stand in the corner like the dunce you are," think long and hard about the context. Is it really slut shaming? Is it? Or something much more beautiful?


  1. Well written and honest I enjoyed reading this post. I must say I smiled when I read "yeah, pastors can take it wild and filthy in the ears too". Not to take away from your article but that sent me laughing lol.

  2. Thanks for reading. Glad you liked the post. That line made me laugh too.


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